blue eyes crying in the rain
here are some things you need to know.
my mom was a hippie. she loved willie nelson. until the day she died (and it is still there to be honest) she had a poster behind her bedroom door of willie nelson surrounded by stars with the word "dream" painted above it. this is the honest truth. i promise. her favorite song by him was blue eyes crying in the rain.
in a lot of ways i am like my mom. i look just like her. we both have a crooked nose that came from her mom. we were both a little high anxiety. we are both learners and dreamers and doers.
there is one specific way that we are not alike. my mom embraced life in stuff and things. she kept everything. every card we ever gave her. every picture that was ever taken. socks from when i was a baby. my great great aunt's glasses and sugar pills.
i am not a liker of stuff. that isn't where i hold my memories. don't get me wrong there are some things that bring the memories of my grandma and grandpa alive for me, like their antique china cabinet, dining room table and pie safe that i inherited. every time i sit at that table i remember all the family dinners when we ate there.
i prefer to hold my memories in the intangible. things that i can't hold or touch... or that collect dust. ;) i embrace the memories that come flooding back at a smell or a landmark...
or in the case of this story - a song.
i was taking chris to the airport a couple of weeks ago for a flight to washington d.c. he was a little nervous about traveling alone and having to navigate the city by himself once he got there. i'm not much comfort in a situation like that because i get a little stressed myself! :)
it was a beautiful, sunny day with a few clouds in the sky. there was zero rain in the forecast (trust me - we had checked several times!) and all of the sudden, out of nowhere, it started raining. drops of rain fell from the sunny sky and chris and i looked at each other and kind of laughed.
then it happened.
the xm radio changed songs and the first few chords of the song rang out on the speakers. my mouth fell open and chris said "really??"
it was blue eyes cryin in the rain.
and for the length of the song, chris and i held hands and cried. i sang what words i knew and the rain continued to fall on us from the sunny sky above. when the song was over the rain stopped.
chris and i didn't speak for a few minutes. we just held hands while the tears left paths on our cheeks. it was a moment i will never ever forget. it was a split-second in life that embraced me and told me not to worry - that chris and i had at least one angel watching over us.
one of the hardest things we are asked to do in life is to embrace the painful moments. as humans we are scared. we run away from things that might cause us pain or perhaps make us fear what is coming next. it is in our very nature to avoid things we know will make us hurt, turn our insides to much or reopen a wound that we have been working to repair.
but sometimes those things blindside us. and thank the good Lord they do. because even though for those few moments of sheer pain and anxiety i don't know how to contain myself or hold it all in. i get angry with God all over again for taking my mom from me and leaving me here to go at life alone.
but after the anger and fear has its way with me and i let the pain destroy me for a minute, God is always there to rescue me and pick me back up. even though the wound has been reopened, God brings the sutures to heal me again.
he gently reminds me that i am not alone. he shows me how strong i have been and makes my heart just a little stronger for the next time.
embrace the painful moments in life. let them overwhelm and overtake you. cry. be angry with God. reopen that wound just a little. it makes you stronger and gives you a new sense of purpose. it brings you closer to the God who loves you.