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blue eyes crying in the rain

this was originally posted at embrace your life but i wanted to share it with my readers here too.

mom and i at the wedding

here are some things you need to know.

my mom was a hippie. she loved willie nelson. until the day she died (and it is still there to be honest) she had a poster behind her bedroom door of willie nelson surrounded by stars with the word "dream" painted above it. this is the honest truth. i promise. her favorite song by him was blue eyes crying in the rain.

in a lot of ways i am like my mom. i look just like her. we both have a crooked nose that came from her mom. we were both a little high anxiety. we are both learners and dreamers and doers.

there is one specific way that we are not alike. my mom embraced life in stuff and things. she kept everything. every card we ever gave her. every picture that was ever taken. socks from when i was a baby. my great great aunt's glasses and sugar pills.

i am not a liker of stuff. that isn't where i hold my memories. don't get me wrong there are some things that bring the memories of my grandma and grandpa alive for me, like their antique china cabinet, dining room table and pie safe that i inherited. every time i sit at that table i remember all the family dinners when we ate there.

i prefer to hold my memories in the intangible. things that i can't hold or touch... or that collect dust. ;) i embrace the memories that come flooding back at a smell or a landmark...

or in the case of this story - a song.

i was taking chris to the airport a couple of weeks ago for a flight to washington d.c. he was a little nervous about traveling alone and having to navigate the city by himself once he got there. i'm not much comfort in a situation like that because i get a little stressed myself! :)

it was a beautiful, sunny day with a few clouds in the sky. there was zero rain in the forecast (trust me - we had checked several times!) and all of the sudden, out of nowhere, it started raining. drops of rain fell from the sunny sky and chris and i looked at each other and kind of laughed.

then it happened.

the xm radio changed songs and the first few chords of the song rang out on the speakers. my mouth fell open and chris said "really??"

it was blue eyes cryin in the rain.

and for the length of the song, chris and i held hands and cried. i sang what words i knew and the rain continued to fall on us from the sunny sky above. when the song was over the rain stopped.

chris and i didn't speak for a few minutes. we just held hands while the tears left paths on our cheeks. it was a moment i will never ever forget. it was a split-second in life that embraced me and told me not to worry - that chris and i had at least one angel watching over us.

one of the hardest things we are asked to do in life is to embrace the painful moments. as humans we are scared. we run away from things that might cause us pain or perhaps make us fear what is coming next. it is in our very nature to avoid things we know will make us hurt, turn our insides to much or reopen a wound that we have been working to repair.

but sometimes those things blindside us. and thank the good Lord they do. because even though for those few moments of sheer pain and anxiety i don't know how to contain myself or hold it all in. i get angry with God all over again for taking my mom from me and leaving me here to go at life alone.

but after the anger and fear has its way with me and i let the pain destroy me for a minute, God is always there to rescue me and pick me back up. even though the wound has been reopened, God brings the sutures to heal me again.

he gently reminds me that i am not alone. he shows me how strong i have been and makes my heart just a little stronger for the next time.

embrace the painful moments in life. let them overwhelm and overtake you. cry. be angry with God. reopen that wound just a little. it makes you stronger and gives you a new sense of purpose. it brings you closer to the God who loves you.

26 comments:

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    1. Thank you Cassie! :) My mom was a special person. :)

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  2. I remember this post was very touching when I read it on EYL the first time. Now I'm in tears. Very moving. Thank you for sharing again.

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    1. Thank you Sarah - it was my pleasure to share it again. Having Willie Nelson serenade me keeps Mom alive for me just a little bit :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing this forever precious moment with us, Skye.

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    1. It was my pleasure to share it :) Thanks for stopping by to read it!

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  4. I left this post in my reader till very last because I KNEW it was going to make me cry. And it did!And gave me chill bumps. Thanks you for sharing - extremely beautiful.

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    1. I am laughing - HOW did you know it would make you cry?? I am glad you enjoyed it though! Thanks for stopping by to read it! :)

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  5. Skye - WOW. That is truly the only word I have right now. I love you cousin!

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  6. This is so beautiful, Skye! Thank you for sharing and thank you for being open to God's spirit moving in your life!

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    1. Thank you Leanne! :) Thanks for coming by to read it! :)

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  7. Thanks for posting and love your transparancy. Needed this today!

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    1. Thank you for the kind words - it was my pleasure to share it. I'm glad it touched you in some way! xoxo

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    1. Thank you Kelly :) I will have lots of stories to share with you this summer about my mom! She was so amazing!

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  9. This was such a sweet post. I bought a new body wash last week and the second I opened it I was taken back to my grandparents beach house and the smell of their shower there. I used to love the smell of their shampoos (it was old people shampoo but I didnt' know it at the time.). Anyway, that smell always makes me think of them. My grandfather has passed, so it was an immediate reminder of him and all the wonderful times I had at their beach house.

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    1. Thank you Maury! :) I love that sweet memory too! :)

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  10. You really shouldn't be posting such beautiful stuff for me to read... I've got crazy hormones raging through my system! I really miss your mom, too. I love that you got caught off guard and that you didn't try to escape from it. You are so brave.

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    1. I didn't mean to make you cry Alina! :) It is hard for me to let myself get caught up in the moment but I'm learning to be more relaxed about it. It is so cathartic and such a special moment. Miss you friend and see you soon!! xoxo

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  11. What a beautiful story! I probably fall in between you and your mom - there are several things that I hold onto for sentimental reasons... like all the cards we ever get! But I do have my limits :)

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  12. just now catching up on all my blogs and wow, tears. so beautiful such a fantastic memory and what a moment God gave you and Chris to share with one another. Love you sweet friend.

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